the shitter

at work I find myself reading articles about Business (Small to be specific), Money, Real Estate and sometimes Golf (though more about golfer bios or course landscapes than anything that would improve my non-existent game). all of these are read while taking a five to ten on the, well, shitter, of course.

when I need to use the facilities at home I have a collection of short stories by Edgar Allen Poe to keep me occupied while, well, I'm shitting. I just finished the Murder at the Rue Morgue and have started the Purloined Letter. Poe is definitely a master of his craft and nice to read while I'm, well, pooing. HA!

last night Madeline and I went to see Janet Ulrich Brooks perform Lillian, a one-woman show. the playwright Lillian Hellman is in a hospital waiting on news of her longtime friend and lover, Dashiell Hammett's condition. he is in a coma. I worked with Janet at Writers' Theatre and from the moment I saw her step onto the stage during the first rehearsal I knew I wanted to work with her. She inhabits the character of Lillian and engages the audience from beginning to a remarkable end. The show closes tonight. If you are reading this today and are in Chicago there is really no excuse for not going to see this show.

We went to see Lillian not only because Mrs. Brooks was the star, nor because I thought it would be a great piece for Madeline to see as she is working on her own one-woman show, but because synchronicity or serendipity or nature or fate or whatever you want to call it led me to the play. If you read my blog regularly and I'm sure you don't, you will have seen that I saw this movie Brick and was floored. I watched some of the behind-the-scenes dealios and the director/writer mentioned Hammett's name as a big influence on the picture. I was browsing the theatre listings the next day and saw Lillian and its premise and Hammett's name was there again. I knew I needed to know more.

The other day while shopping for holiday gifts, I went to Myopic and bought two of Hammett's works. The Thin Man and Maltese Falcon. I've started reading Thin Man, dedicated to Lillian and am captivated to say the least. it will be the book I bring on the plane as I fly home for the holidays. Poe will have to remain in the bathroom as will business, money, real estate and golf. Nick and Nora Charles have left their hotel room in pursuit of the truth...

alter my blues

what will you wear tonight
out to the show
who will you try to impress
with all that you know

i'm here to see about a Tailor
to alter my blues
i ain't got but fifty cents
can i pay in IOUs

where did you sleep last night
was it out in the cold
when was your last hot meal
and the bread not five days old

i'm here to see about a Cobbler
to mend my blues
i don't got but twenty-five cents
can i pay in IOUs

how can you live your life
let the world pass you by
how can your children grow up
with only hatred in their eyes

i've come to see the Apothecary
to fend off these blues
i've got no damn sense
can I pay in IOUs

- jaw

a Reel demo

Wet City Productions has been working tirelessly on multiple film, video and promo projects. some fruits of our labor are up and live for you to sample.

visit wetcityproductions.com/reel.html

enjoy!

personals

I decided to post a personal ad in response to a nice looking woman I found online. I know, I know, I'm a very big computer geek. This is my post...

i'm 5'10" with short black hair and a perpetual 5 o'clock shadow. i like boinking and shakes. if you're interested, e-mail me back with some features about yourself. i'm not very picky, but I do like my women to be flexible, good kissers and have sexy assets. my sense of humor can be a little off-putting at times. once you get to know me you will realize that I'm actually hilarious and anyone who doesn't laugh at my jokes are morons. i've been described as very modest. must like indian food. how about that on Friday night?

This was her reply...

This 5'10' dark, mysterious man sounds quite intriguing. I think I'd like to meet him...especially if he'll take me out for Indian food.

Some quick facts about me. I'm tiny, but don't let that fool you, I'm spunky, feisty and full of energy. I like salsa dancing, green tea and lazy Sunday brunches complete with egg whites and veggies. Some like to describe me as 'dramatic,' but I think a better word is 'highly interesting.' I like to make funny faces, so if you think that is sexy than we just might be meant to be. I can put my feet over my head...does that make me flexible?? 99% of the time I'm a fan of off-beat humor. Jokes with peanuts always get me, jokes with 4-letter words that start with a 't' or 'c' usually don't.

I'm obsessed with all things Italian and red. I'm sorry I don't speak Russian, you'll have to translate 'boinking' for me.

If you think you might be interested, give me a ring and I'd be interested in putting a face to this description on Friday night.

Until then...

I'll let you all know how this goes!

what does the goat say?

Who put the bops in the bop shoo bop shoo bop?

10. J. Edgar Hoover
9. the CIA
8. the black smoke (or oil, depending on your preference)
7. your mom
6. Dizzy Gillespie (for real)
5. the ghost whisperer
4. Johnny Appleseed
3. the Cat in the Hat
2. the Prisoner of Azkaban
1. I did it for g-dsake! now back off.

on a similar note:
Who put the ram in the rama lama ding dong?

5. Pam Shriver
4. Pamela Anderson
3. Spam
2. a lampshade
1. Paula Poundstone (whatever happened to that bitch?)

finally:
Who put the dips in the dip da dip da dips?

5. no one really cares about this guy.
4. i dare anyone to say this ten times fast into a microphone then e-mail me the file and/or podcast your recording to the entire nation
3. seriously, don't you have anything better to do than try and solve the mysteries of the universe?
2. o.k., so I know that last one was answering a question with a question, but seriously.
1. i think real question is what does a goat say? is it the same as a sheep? why does the goat get gipped like that?