Wanna buy my screenplay?

[the unemployed Chicago writer, Josh, has a g-Chat with his unemployed LA actor friend, Clayton. time recorded.]

4:10 PM

Clayton: how much?
100 dollars?

Josh: 100,000

Clayton: oh. um.
i'll get back to you.

Josh: come on
do it
do it
do it

Clayton: fuck it.
okay.
sold.

Josh: sweet
i'm gonna quit my job on Monday

[Josh, in fact, has a job that starts on Monday that he will not be quiting despite the outcome of this g-Chat.]

4:11 PM

Clayton: okay, cool. i'm going to make your movie, and make millions of dollars, any of which you'll never see.

Josh: as long as I see the 100,000 i'm fine

Clayton: fair enough
i also get to say i wrote it

4:12 PM

Josh: that'll weigh on your conscience, not mine

Clayton: you'd be surprised how little i'm affected by my conscience.

4:13 PM

Josh: then it looks like we've got a deal.

Clayton: i'll put the money in escrow tomorrow

Josh: i'm sure my lawyer will know what that means

4:14 PM

Clayton: tell your lawyer to tell me what it means after i do it.

Josh: according to wikipedia, the money is now mine

Clayton: fuck. that was fast.

4:15 PM

Josh: that's what she said!

[the rest of the conversation cannot be disclosed.]

Bodega

[an unemployed writer, Josh, walks into his neighborhood bodega and gets a fifth of Seagram's 7 and a liter of 7-up. sidling up behind him is a drunk American asshole from Chicago.]

DRUNK: Canadian whiskey? Why'd you wanna buy Canadian whiskey?

JOSH: Is there a problem with that?

[the drunk considers]

DRUNK: No, no problem. I mean, Irish or Scottish, Kentucky even -

JOSH: I like all those, tonight it appears it's Canadian.

DRUNK: Seems sort of un-patriotic.

JOSH: Tastes good with 7-up.

[the Latin cashier mumbles]

CASHIER: I can't drink the stuff.

[an epiphany]

DRUNK: I know. There's pussy involved. There's got to be pussy involved. You were sent on an errand...

[transaction complete. Josh turns to the drunk.]

JOSH: You're exactly right. Have a good night.

[Josh exits to laughter where he drives to a friends house with his girl for movie night. Upon arriving, he relays his encounter and one friend, a crippled Russian Ph.D student of philosophy, Aleks, inspects the bottle and states.]

ALEKS: Blended and bottled by: The 7 Crown Distilling Company, Norwalk, CT.

JOSH: Not Canadian.

[end]

Soldiers: Recruitment

Clips from Soldiers: Recruitment presented at the Ruth Page Center as part of the Mordine & Company's '800lb Gorilla in the Room' on December 13, 14 & 15.

directed by Glenn Proud
written by Joshua Aaron Weinstein
starring Madeline Long, Cory Conrad, Ryan Musil & Vanessa Hughes, Deborah Proud or Liz Larsen-Silva
Lights/Stage Management: Julian Pike
Production Manager: Atalee Judy

LiveWire Chicago Theatre presents Soldiers: The Desert Stand at the Side Project Theatre April 10 - May 4.

more info at www.livewirechicago.com

The Rabbit Foot

[A Russian Ph.D student of philosophy, Aleks, recently injured from a racquetball accident and an unemployed American writer, Josh.]

JOSH: How is the footing?

ALEKS: My footing is good. How is the hunt?

JOSH: The hunt is still on... Where is that damned rabbit?

ALEKS: Do you think the rabbit was killed with that one stone that killed the other rabbit? Or how does that one go?

[a pause]

ALEKS: The footing is huge among logic students.

JOSH: Assuming you told the truth, it is no surprise your foot is a hit. What will you do for an encore?

[a pause]

JOSH: I think the mind-set is that there are many rabbits out there to catch... If you can.

[a silence]

ALEKS: I show up floating above the floor while both of my feet are broken.

[a beat]

ALEKS: As I land, a gigantic rabbit appears out of a hat that says 'logic' on it.

[fin]